If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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