I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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