i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
