I met the friendliest cop last night
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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