There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
