I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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