Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
