Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
