I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
