I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
