my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
