I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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