i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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