Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
