We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
