If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
