I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
