No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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