I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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