So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
