i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
he had hair everywhere except his balls
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