just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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