if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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