Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
