I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
