I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
