Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Randomize
