K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
this boner is exhausting
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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