R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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