I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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