I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
