Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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