her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
wow bdsm is so cute
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
