i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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