dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize