plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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