We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
