I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I queefed so loud it echoed.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize