i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
