You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
no more duck duck goose at the bar
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I need to sanitize my soul.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
