Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
