Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I am mentally ready for anal.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
