he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
