the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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