Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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