You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
