I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
