and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
