so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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