happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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