I want to walk on stilts...naked
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Randomize
