they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
