So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
