The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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