$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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