been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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