He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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