she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
