i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
