if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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