apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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