I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
