you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
