So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
