she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize