Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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