i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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