I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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