I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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