It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
