Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
