rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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