I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
