is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize