we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
