he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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