Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
what day is it and did you see me today?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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