man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
