i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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