Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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