Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
