dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
