just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
