The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
