I'm sorry my penis didn't work
id be glad to
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
