i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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