My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize