Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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