I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Randomize
