Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i already hear my dad disowning me
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
