I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
