I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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