the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
