Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Another day, another engagement, another cat
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
