i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
