I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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