At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
