So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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