I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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