ya dads aren't the best wingmen
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
