Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
