Life is so much better after having sex.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
