yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
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