i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
