i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
