he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
