people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
