The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
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