Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
