Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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