I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
