We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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