Will you blow on my dice?
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
